im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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