not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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