If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
