I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
