i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
