I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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