Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
