My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
