drinking out of a sandbucket again
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
