I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
