So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
