My nipple is on Facebook.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
he had hair everywhere except his balls
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
