turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
