upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
