I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
They took my balls.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
