She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
