we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
