it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
