If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
