You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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