What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
