no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
