Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
