Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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