my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
