I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
