I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
