Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
