The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
