Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
