He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
