apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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