when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
