Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
