we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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