you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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