Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
