I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
