Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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