It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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