I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You pole danced in your parka.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
