my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
