went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
