my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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