there's paper in my vomit.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize