he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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