her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i out mim tonsoeep
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