nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Dicks are not precious.
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