I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
