Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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