We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
