; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
