I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
