I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
