Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
All I want is dick and wine.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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