first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
