I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
