first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
