I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
