I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
