We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
