I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
