I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
