My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
