He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
