Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I smell stomach acid.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
