i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
