Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
