The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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