Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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