Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize