at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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