I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
The Olympian is in my bed
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
