awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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