she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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